One in the Same
by rookiebones
Summary: Ben/Lily fic
1. Chapter 1

I'm not sure what Lily's fiancé's name is, so for this story he is Ty. I do not own Off the Map. Let me know if I should continue!

Lily sat silently contemplating what Ryan had told her about Ben, about how he had lost his wife and kid, about how they were practically one in the same. They were both here, in the middle of nowhere, trying to keep going, to move on. They both tried to escape the pain in their hearts but it wasn't easy. In each patient's loved one they saw themselves. With patients who survived they felt relief that the family members would not come to suffer like they had, yet they felt sorrowful that their own outcome hadn't been different.

Lily shifted her position, looking back, searching for a memory of a moment when Ben had let his feelings show. She remembered the time she had told him about losing her fiancé. Now she knew the sadness in his eyes she had written off as sympathy was his own grief coming through. Why hadn't he told her? Sure, they hardly knew each other, but she had told him about her loss and it would have been a comfort to know that he understood.

Maybe she was over thinking it, that's what her fiancé used to tell her. "Don't over think it, Lily, the answer's right in front of you." Ben had been there, hurting, right in front of her, and she had been too busy thinking about the patient, thinking about herself to see it.

Lily made her way back to the clinic. She knew she had to apologise to Ben, she just didn't know how to do it. Ty always knew exactly what to say in situations like this, but she always found herself mixing up the words.

When she finally got to the clinic, she found Ben arguing with Ryan, something about how Abby was never coming back, about how Ryan should mind her own business. She watched silently from the doorway and was about to leave when Ryan turned and stormed past her.

"Oh, Brenner, hey," said Ben, surprised.

"I can see this is a bad time, so..." she started to say, but Ben cut her off.

"No, it's okay," he said, giving her a small smile, encouraging her to continue.

"Well... I just wanted to apologise for earlier. I was out of line."

"You don't have to apologise."

"Well, even so, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about what happened to your family."

"Me too."

They were silent for a long time, just looking into each other's eyes. Lily began to feel awkward and finally broke the silence.

"I guess I should go to bed. It's been a long day."

"Yeah. We could both use some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, Brenner."

"Yeah... tomorrow..."

Lily turned and slowly walked away, wishing that he would call her back.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to Mother Nature who gave the GTA a snow day yesterday and rescheduled my genetics midterm, I was able to get this finished faster than I thought I would. Enjoy!

_ Lily turned and slowly walked away, wishing that he would call her back._

Ben watched Lily as she walked away. There was so much that he wanted to say to her. Ryan was right; he couldn't bring his wife back. Lily was right here, yet he couldn't bring himself to say the words that he felt in his heart.

Lily and Mina were in their room eating a breakfast of plain cereal and feeding it to Dinner, Mina's pet chicken, when Mina looked up to see Ben running over.

"Hey, look!" said Mina. "Here comes your boyfriend!"

"He's not my boyfriend," said Lily, for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

She turned and grabbed the box of cereal, trying to hide the fact that her cheeks her turning pink. She grabbed a couple of cheerios and stuffed them into her mouth. By then, Ben had reached them.

"There's a man a couple miles from here who's experiencing severe bleeding from his right knee," said Ben, a little out of breath. "We need to get to him before he loses too much blood."

"I'm sorry," said Mina, a little confused. "Let me get this straight... you come here, all out of breath, just because some guy scraped his knee?"

"It's more than just a scrape," said Ben. "Apparently it's been over 20 minutes and the bleeding hasn't stopped, it isn't clotting like it should be. We need to inject him with a clotting factor and then get him back to the clinic just to make sure everything's okay. Brenner, let's go."

Lily gave Mina an apologetic look and handed her the cereal box before following Ben out of the room.

"Oh and Mina?" called Ben over his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Head over to the clinic, I'm sure Zee needs some help applying Band-Aids on people who have severe paper cuts."

Mina rolled her eyes and squeezed the cereal box a little too hard, causing it to crumple.

By the time Ben and Lily made it to the man, the bleeding had stopped. While Ben talked to the man, Esteban, and his sister, Lucia, Lily observed the man carefully. Esteban seemed completely fine. Maybe Mina had been correct and it was just a harmless scrape. But why had it bled for so long? Her eyes moved from Esteban's knee, to his arms. There were two large, dark bruises on his left arm and another on his right arm. Suddenly, it made sense.

"Dr Keeton," said Lily. "Do you think it could be Hemophilia? He has bruising all over his arms. And random bleeding of the joints is a common symptom of it."

Ben looked thoughtful for a moment, and then asked Esteban and his sister a few questions.

He turned back to Lily and explained, "You're right to think that it's Hemophilia. Lucia says Esteban has always bled a lot from small cuts and is easily bruised. It's just never been this severe before. When we get back to the clinic, we can inject clotting factor into his veins and it should make the disorder more manageable for him. Good work, Brenner!"

Lily smiled, her heart beating just a little faster as Ben turned to Esteban and Lucia to explain what was going on.

Ben and Lily returned to the clinic with Esteban and Lucia. Just as they were walking up the stairs, Esteban fell and banged his head on the top step. Lucia cried something in Spanish, panicked, but Esteban quickly picked himself up, saying something to reassure her.

"He says that he tripped over his own feet and that he's fine, just a little clumsy," Ben told Lily who smiled back at him.

But Esteban was not fine and wobbled unsteadily as he tried to take a few more steps. Ben was prepared this time, and put his arm around Esteban, helping him into the clinic.

"He's bleeding again!" cried Lily, grabbing the nearest piece of gauze and holding it to the area where Esteban had banged his head on the steps. She looked at Ben anxiously.

"It's more severe than I thought," Ben replied. "I think he's bleeding in the brain."

Lily stood close to Ben as he once again explained things to Esteban and Lucia. She watched Lucia's face as it turned from confusion, to panic and then to sadness. Lucia looked at her brother, who was silent throughout the entire conversation. She took Esteban's hands and sobbed into his chest.

"Let's give them some room," said Ben, guiding Lily out of the room.

"Are you alright?" he asked her. His hand was on the small of her back and he could feel her shaking.

"He's going to die," she whispered, afraid if she spoke too loudly her voice would betray her emotions.

"Yes, eventually."

"I wish we could do something to save him."

"Me too."

Lily let out a small sigh and promptly walked away, out of the clinic, not wanting Ben to see the tears that threatened to fall. Ben was left staring at the door, wondering what to do. Finally, he decided what to do. This time, he would not let her get away. This time he would follow her.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews they make me really happy and make me write faster (hint, hint)!

Lily sat gazing into the waterfall, her legs dangling over the edge. Sometimes she wished her life could be simple, like a droplet of water, evaporating and condensing in an endless cycle. There would be no death, no grieving or pain, but also no joy or love. She could never be so indifferent to her surroundings; there was always at least a little joy or a little love in her life, maybe even a little too much.

She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the waterfall. She felt the mist on her face and the warm air that rippled through her hair. She waited for the tears to come. She waited for the anguish to take over her body, but it never did. Her breathing steadied and the tears did not fall. Maybe she was out of tears? Maybe the waterfall was full of them.

Lily felt Ben's presence before he made it known. The rustling of his footsteps disrupted her thoughts and brought her back from her reveries. She opened her eyes but did not say a word to let him know that she knew he was watching her. She wanted to know why he was here and what his intentions were. She didn't want her actions to influence his. She wanted to know how deeply he felt and if he really was committed to Ryan.

Ben watched Lily and wished she would turn around, tell him everything was okay and that he didn't have to worry. If she were to say something, anything, it would ease his mind. He didn't know how to interpret her silence. Was she in pain or was she just pensive? Obviously it was up to him to find out. He walked the last few steps and sat beside her.

"What are you thinking?" Ben asked softly.

Lily didn't answer. She seemed to be a million miles away. Ben placed his hand on hers and her eyes instantly met his. He repeated his question.

"Sometimes I feel like I chose the wrong profession," she replied.

When he was sure that she wasn't going to continue, Ben said, "I don't think you did. Lily, you're a great doctor."

Lily smiled and blushed slightly. "You never call me Lily," she commented. "I kind of like it."

"Well, it is your name."

Lily rolled her eyes and gave him a little shove.

"Hey, watch it!" cried Ben, grinning. "I could fall off you know!"

"I never thought of that... thanks."

Lily pushed Ben again, but this time he was prepared and pushed her back, just a little too hard. She lost her balance and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him along with her into the water below. When they arrived to the surface, both were laughing hysterically. This was just the right medicine they needed after a stressful day.

When they stopped laughing, both realized that Lily was still hanging onto his shirt. She looked up into his eyes and he smiled down at her. He cupped his hand to her cheek and lowered his lips to hers. Their first kiss was slow and intimate. Lily moved her arms around his neck and put her all into the next kiss. She attempted to kiss him a third time, but something had caught his attention from behind her. She turned her head and the smile was wiped from her face. Ryan.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so glad that you've liked this story so far! I hope you like the ending.

Ryan was taking her frustrations out on the jungle once again. Every time the blade hit the vegetation, she felt control returning to her life. Each strike was harder than the one before. She wasn't mad at Ben or Lily... well, maybe a little. Mostly, she was mad at herself. She had seen the way he looked at Lily and she should have known that this would happen eventually. She just hadn't thought that it would happen while they were still together. If Lily wanted him, then she could have him for all she cared. Maybe she'd leave for good this time, go back to America where she belonged. But every time she made it to the airport she felt lost. America wasn't her home anymore; the jungle was her home, no matter how angry at it she was.

Ryan threw the blade to the ground and ran her hands through her fiery red hair. She was conflicted. Half of her knew that she should let Ben go and move on, but the other half of her couldn't let her go. Their relationship was really rocky, and they had been on and off again for a year, but she did care about him. That she knew for sure. She just had no idea how much she cared about him. Could she see herself marrying him, having kids with him? No, not really. What about Lily? What if Lily was the one for him? Could she stand in the way of Ben's chance for a new life? No, not really.

"Ryan?" called Ben.

"Oh, hey," she called back, as he walked up to her. She hadn't heard him coming.

"Look, you have every right to be mad-"

"I'm not mad," she interrupted. Ben gave her a sceptical look, glancing at the blade. "No, really, I'm not! I was at first, but then I started thinking about us, about our relationship."

"Did you figure anything out?" Ben asked.

"You and I, we're not right for each other. We're constantly breaking up and making up. I used to see us having a future together, but I just don't see that anymore. We were done a long time ago, Ben, even before the new recruits showed up. You and Lily... I can see you have a connection. I think you should go for it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Now go on, go get your girl."

"Thanks, Ryan."

"Yeah, yeah."

Ben jogged back to the clinic, nearly knocking down Tommy as he entered. He muttered a quick apology and continued on his way, leaving behind a confused Tommy. He entered the medical supplies room and grabbed a surprised Lily, kissing her passionately.

When the initial shock wore off, she said, "I'm guessing things went well with Ryan?"

"You guess right," he said, giving her a lopsided grin. "She told me I should go for it."

"What? She wasn't mad?"

"Nope, she told me to go get my girl... that is if you'll have me. Will you give me a chance, Brenner?"

Lily stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him hard.

"Is that a yes?" he asked.

"That is a hell yes!" Lily giggled and pulled his lips back to hers.


End file.
